The Naked Break-Up

Hello Blog World. Welcome to the rantings of a slightly bitter, moderately jaded and devastatingly beautiful woman living in the epicenter of Hollywood. This being my first posting, I will have to give you some background as to how a charmer like me can end up being such a dirty minded grump. It all started back in October, when my then boyfriend of almost two years decided to break up with me without warning 5 minutes after I woke up. Yes, without warning. I know what you are thinking---this girl was clueless to the signs, there are ALWAYS warnings, quit being such a dumb chick and get a clue. I promise people, not this time! After living in this city for over 10 years and running around like a floozy for the majority of that time relishing in my singledom, I decided to settle down with someone who could be the anchor to my kite. Things were lovely. Lots of sex..not as kinky as I would normally like but really good Vanilla and lots of fun all around. Then came the day he decided to end it all. We went to bed the evening prior with no fights, spooning the usual amount until someone's limb eventually goes numb and necessary adjustments need to be made. When I awoke in the early morning he was up in the living room reading Calvin and Hobbes...yes the comic strip and yes Manchild is in his 30s. I saunter out of the bedroom, butt naked of course with bedhead to say good morning and Manchild says to me: "I can't do this anymore. I am done with this relationship." I look down at my naked self, run back in the bedroom to throw on some clothes so I could at least be dumped with dignity. I mean....REALLY?! What the fuck, REALLY?!?! Calvin and Hobbes, nudity and break-ups don't seem like they should be a part of the same story in a world that I live in but yes it happened. This is my reality. And just like that, I was thrown back into the wild...naked as a newborn and scorned as all hell. So what's a girl to do after such a horrendous dumping you ask??? DATE... and LOTS then tattle her tales to world of course! So far I have had some experiences coming out of the gate that need to be shared because I think they can only happen to me and are pretty fucking funny to boot. Coming up soon, the Tale of the Smelly Pee Pee & the Eharmony Fiasco...stay tuned :)

xoxoxo

Sabrina